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IT's OKAY to CONTINUE TO FEEL EVEN

Date Tuesday, October 9th 2007, 6:12 PM Icon 172 Date 0

August 5, 2007 - Sunday


IN MEMORIAM: UNCLE DENNIS


My Uncle Dennis, died of heroin overdose- in July 2007.

He is mostly responsible for my drumming instruction and discipline which began when I was a small child growing up in the early 1970's. He was a righteous man, who was foremost involved with Unity and racial integration, when it was not realized by most people in general society.

My Uncle was a true percussionist, from his early adolescent years, formal in traditional drumming, and well versed in Latin percussion and multi formatted musical styles as a drum-set drummer. He is missed, by surviving family and friends. He lived with high pain threshold from repeated broken legs from car accident when he was 16 years old, and was a speed ice skater who competed for school, and then in later years was re injured from a motorcycle accident that seriously inhibited his legs and feet.

He was a correctional officer who served 15 years for New York State and was given the State of New York flag at his funeral service by officer representative who was in attendance.

He worked hard all his life, was more than a passing acquaintence to many who knew him personally throughout his life, and looked after his family with integrity and honor he upheld as a traditionalist Calibrese Sicilian man.

He did not flinch from threatening illness and lived his personal beliefs with disregard to opposition.

I understood alot more than I can relate in this small acknowledgement to him, and spent alot of my developmental years as a sort of apprentice drummer, young man.

I owe him respect and am personally shattered about the sudden notice of his passing and the manner in which he apparantly chose to end the struggle with pain and personal demons he could not overcome.

I loved the man, and will hold the best of my heart recollecting him with fond memory.

He was an example of a type in culture and time of American society that is still very much so needed and should be emulated, crossing racial barriers, religious intolerance and getting above everyday limitations.

He supported marijuana legalization, use, and tolerance.

He and I were close until recent years which I had to break off from him when he began to spiral into extreme harder drug use.

I wish I could of done better by him.

11:12 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

July 23, 2007 - Monday


FINALLY
Category: Writing and Poetry

Finally

I realized to move is not single most problem

to venture inside of your own heart

to feel the need for something that makes

the last absolute moment meaning

it is worthwhile

so it begins to surrender

for you

kissing this truth

forgone conclusions

foresaken intentions

sickened

over time

the fruit falls from the vine

as seance

as singing

as silence

commits us all

to finally

lover believe you me

forgiveness

is

can

and do

sea

say

I



bleeding is my heart

beneath the exterior of strength

this constancy

for eternity

and fearful regret for sin

yet my desire to continue

is brighter than rest

for I will not pass any such testing for

having a recollection of Heaven and walking further

more to pass

ALIVE

IN LOVE

I AM HUMAN

I WORSHIP

THE GROUND I CAN STAND ON

SO GOD HELP ME

AND GIVE ME STRENGTH

TO CONTINUE

TO BELIEVE

IN FAILING

BUT REFUSING DEFEAT

IN THIS

MY LOVE

12:23 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

July 20, 2007 - Friday


Drumming In Silence DJA
Category: Writing and Poetry

considerate fortune

fallen

crystalized tears drop

finding me

shine

from inside

deeply

thirsting

for grieving

forgiving

none

in

the

mirror

of

passing time

reflections

constituting

measures

for

mercy

and

righteous

indignation

against

something
so much

larger

than

life

in disguise

as masked

behind

death

dying

friend

and

relation

outside

of

me

and

not of my control

away from

my influence

and realm of

attention

music

knows no such

boundaries

no confines

to

stop me

in tune

harmony

with

freedom seldom seen

so silence

has always been

handling

gravity

feelings

bringing

grateful lasting

ever asking

memorized

heartstrings

beating

me

through

to true

to you



1:22 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

July 11, 2007 - Wednesday


Greetings!!!
Category: Writing and Poetry

New things

From somebody to someone

Are you home now?

Are you finding out something good for yourself?

I hope so

I hope you are

I wish you the best

Thank you

For your support

And

Have

A nice

Day

the green is brighter on the internet

but slow in connection speed

10:47 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

July 9, 2007 - Monday


Join Me Fair
Category: Writing and Poetry

Pouring me

set so succinctly

believing

this is only an ending

to begin

again

yet forever

is now new

finishing line

setting few

curfew

in time

kinetic

motionless

deeper

meanings

arise from fallen

notions

in jumps

up and out

heartstrings symphonies

orchestrate

the mood

anywhere

you choose

what it is

that we will do

now and only

with you

never against

neverending

sense of dreams

brightly lit

inclusive

sense of fighting

against

again

this perception

of life and loving

moving

on

in the fragrant instant

of perpetual youth

I am in

not as peter pan

but grounded by pain

by aching always not relieved

this troubled vehicle

wheels out

and starts up

no matter

the rage

insipid relayer

stronger than stranger

needing to be released

from the cage

craving

escape

best seen as beast

but better believed as belief

faithful one

until the last once

felt beaming

me

me

minute gone on

mime

love without reasoning

with is only more so

another rhyme

finding the scattering ashes

over the lawn in field

of forgetful I loved you

by so few who can tell

what it was felt

by you

you only

true

truly you

sweet scented memories

candy kisses and young then mommy

of forgotten flowers

plasiticine and perpetual

like the youth within mine timeframe

dust is covering

the vase now long broken

cry for me

my whim

my long lost

eternity

eternity

too early to be found

only alone

sitting so close

to the fallen

jest this test

just gestures

genuflection towards a shard

of regret

regret

reflect

retest

reap past

reposed

relapse

sleep last

slight laugh

laugh



i guess

may I have another

slice of bread

and butter on it as well

one more time the small glass

is filled

with ice cold milk

and the smell

of burning smoke

evaporates in rings around me

inhaling deep

all of it once more

once again

oranges and coffee

cookies

kisses

kissing me

now

and

always

again

10:03 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

July 7, 2007 - Saturday


777 trumps 666


THE END IS NEAR

& 777

from me and

my shadow

(my son)







9:23 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove


I WOULD LOVE

It would of been so nice

If only

Wasn't a memory

Of what it is

That sets you free

I would

Love to

Love you

If only

You could of let me

See

Freedom dear

Is not so free

If only

Is all

In Memory

dictating

your waking dream

I can't compete

With fortune calling

This future song

Timetable

Tidings

Grace

Must RING TRUE

Not valued

Is not unsued

Is not to be

Is not me & you



I would of loved to love you

You who would not allow me to



Is there any other chance to find

A romance not so shallow ground?

I am not a relationship addict

I don't fail to meet the challenges

I will fight for the identity we are placed

I can show affection

I can defend the starting point

I am still given strength

I have peace in mind

I would

Love

To

Love

You

Cancer callers kill closers clean casting calls crawl cancelling circus cells cello-players hired for backing tracks to dry our eyes and inspire the three chords you wrote upon

Keep the banks and the local promo spots hot she is not my concern

Love

To

Love

You

I have a child and take my time as I decide

She dances

She fires me up

Flies above

Lifting Love

More than getting me up

She was

And Still Is

So very much

My Heart

My SOUL

My COMPLETION

MY LOVE

not the Showroom

used car promotional send ups

that have been getting so very large

laughing at my misery

Funny

Like a clown?

or funny ha-ha?

HA

HA haHAve a happy

HAPPY

HAPPY GREEN END OF DAYS

love to

love you

too

Throw it all out this past without environment and neighbors unknown



Why were we not simple enough to say I am sorry and continue to live together

Why couldn't you just say it is so

Why is just another form of knowing NO

No

Not you

And FOR THIS

Only me is thanking you

I would have loved to love you

WE WILL SEE THOSE WHO CAN STILL BE

AND LOVE ME

JUST FOR TODAY

GOODBYE OLD FRIENDS
OLD HEARTBRAKES
FROZEN
IN THE YELLOWING PAPER

THE SCRATCHED RECORDS
THE THROWN AWAY MEMORABILIA

THAT SO MANY HAVE DECIDED

SHOULD NOT remain with me

I WOULD HAVE

LOVED



To Have loved



you...................... ......................... ........

9:06 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

July 5, 2007 - Thursday


Misery, WHY DO YOU LEAD ME to LOVE & Leave me Here Alone
Category: Romance and Relationships

Permission granted this

Instilled angry view not of your own choosing

this lasting colorful cause

of sublimity in sunlight

mustering strength

and convictions to alight the serpentine surrender of sleepless

waiting



if all is to belong and none is to be loved

letting go of

I cry the fear welling up from besides the inner most regions

of mine heart and mind

I see this time is last a last a past

of shooting displeasure and Bible black

tormenting me in misery

in mindfulness

this solitary prowess

so long the years have accumulated

so long the steps taken in the narrow corners of night

through to the day

I waited and prayed

and considered

and was left flattened by the bitch of serenity who laughs last

and terminally she crows out flies in the aire

See her beam!

I loved her too

My living waking sometimes suffering nightime longtime once have been Dream

kiss my ass now goodbye

forget the trouble oh sword of discipline

of living for her

Her touch is most crippling

the dripping sweet

intoxication that you must remain in

as she mounts ontop of you

and wont stop until you are past all hope

cabalistic cannibals

incantations from friendships never ended

coven and company

how they band together with tarot to tell you

what to expect in their fortune / fore tune

you pee on unfortunate one lick me

she sould be so unladylike with you/me

and in plain comfort

she took it all wanting more

Forgetting the remarks that part the past

from Sea

see?

so?

sooner than death this unforgiving meaning

climbing clamoring and camphor to assist the wound

no ing

noth ing

noodle

for a chance at life and love

for this

I would trade my island alone for the dream girl

and I have

and she found me

wanting

and lacking

in girth and length

compared to her former lovers and brothers and father

I could never have seen the deeper meanings behind her hitting me

all three of them

sick

sicker

& sickest

now what do I offer her

shall we dance in slippers to the beat

given by the walking dead

the lady and her little lord Faulterly

whom she shaved in bed

this priceless lotion

listening to her boyfriend neighbors

those cellar years accumulated into neighborly miscues and gestures given away

I see you honey and stay there

the lawn is mine not tonight but in my mind

so long as the mounted police don't come back to take me away

by force from my chair

dear



Misery Why do you lead me to love then leave me alone

beautiful is as beautiful does

without remorse nor cause

only as she can understand what she can tabulate and calculate as keeping in her bag undisturbed

lovers in marriage and strangers in bondage

cradling the disparaging bedding to the garage to tear across the driveway

that you blacktopped with her father now long passed

the both of you

just causes to tear out of the book of her care

paper to air

near

she has been threatened

she has blamed you

she has to

if she only knew

she was seen too

sexy perverted you

all in unison

we sing

death to dream

death to dream

life is for living

life is for living

eternal

eternal

eternal fire flame

flame internal phantom rising

pheonix rising

blinding the immoral

immorality

choking the fight

dousing natural light

this escape from Hell leveled without remorse or understanding

no pathos to convince this belief that all is fair in love and war

but the devil is

and sins

wicked

defeated

enchained and roaring

real

very real

the evil

hitting us all

in our tears

all years of our very lives

though we choose

we use

the fallen way

for finding

God

repentance

acceptance

and surrender

in

Creator

not coward

I wonder

undercover

we all fall

and stand up for daylight

inspite of nighttime what ever we be

are you there for me

are you

can you be

here for me

be here

here

now

Love don't find me

Unworthy

7:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove


Changing Tune
Category: Writing and Poetry

ANY FRIENDS

Is there a philosophy

That we can reach in unison

Standing together

Well

And understood

Under the same

Open sky

Any friends


..> ..> ..>..>


A Days Worth of Love,

Is there a Girl who is not attached to another man for me

Ridiculous this imaging

this dream

this repeating

stale at this age

loser adrift the sea

All I am doing is shutting my Heart

To the Falsehoods and Lying

That Life sometimes needs

To send me

As a solace source of defining me

I know what it is

I seem to be

I am one alone

and with a song

of my son

to strive

for a days' worth of love

STREET CORNER

MUSICIAN

IN A TOWN

WHO SHOWS NOTHING

YOU WON'T MAKE

ANYTHING

ALONE

WITHOUT OUR SAY

UNAUTHORIZED

IS UNLAWFUL

IS INCITEFUL

TO MAKING

A BREAK FOR IT

GROW UP

SLOW

OR THEY WILL

TAKE YOU

AWAY

BEG FOR IT

AND GET OUT

DEVELOPERS

PLANNERS

TEAM PLAYERS

ONLY

UNIFORMED

REPRESENTATIVES

GET TO SAY

DICTATION

INTO THE MAJOR

FORUMS

LEAGUES

OF THEIR OWN

NO

I HAVE NO EXCUSES

I HAVEN'T ANY REAL NEWS

NO TABLOID FODDER

NO BACKGROUND CHECK LOOSED

THAT IS IMPRESSIVE

ENOUGH FOR THROUGH

as of yet

FORTUNE SMILED

AND LEFT ME IDLE

IN EVICTION

OUT OF CONSIDERATION

DISMISSED

FROM ACTIVE

PARTICIPATION IN THE GRAND SCHEME

DREAMER OF FOOLISH DREAMS

BEAMING

NO BODY WILL DO IT FOR ME

Help Me For the Love of God Get Out Of the INVESTIGATION

I have been feeling that maybe

I am facing so much scrutiny

And so few chances to connect and improve

Because I am one of the many Few who are still

Under Investigation.

FBI, LOCALITIES, PROVINCIAL AUTHORITIES,

I hope you will see this and read me:

I have a life to live and did not get too far away from the straight line and lawful civil course of actions.

Isolation and time has made me more perverted,

but not a criminal with less sense of humanity.

I would not hurt anybody ever, or now.

I am sorry for the causes I stand for and give you

As reasons to look and pause.

I believe in Truth and full disclosure.

I am not a problem undercover.

I am still True Blue.

I hope my son and I will be allowed to start living well among the crowds again.

We hope you set us up a better seat.

Prisoners at least get to speak to each other

Unless they are ordered into solitary

The hardest way to do their Time.

Until it's over.

Time up...

Please assist

Don't let the long hair fool you

I AM STILL A MAN

Childhood* Abandonment * Betrayal Issues*

We won't go through it ever again

We know who you were

We heard all about it before you showed

We won't go through it ever again

This is Never Again

We won't let you in

We don't believe you

>PLEASE<>BE<& gt;NICE<>WITH<&g t;US<

In all

Of the world's

Turmoil and Pain

With every connection

We have ever made

Between ourselves and the actual

Culprits who commit the crimes

Linking themselves to our Timeline enchained

Causing more doubt

And Fear

To be

Lingering allowed to remain

In this Starving

Polarized Atmosphere of

Struggle

Distrust

And Blame

Please

Pray

That God Let's You

Regain

Scope

And

Maintain Peace

In

Disernment

As actions continue

To Happen

With all

Within

TRY TO HURT LESS People

THE GRIEF AND
ANGRY PAIN STIFLES SO MANY
MAYBE ALL INSIDE

AS WE TRY
TO MOVE ON BY IN
THIS MAD PARADE

THE MODEL OF TROUBLE
SHAMBLES THOUGH THE CORRIDORS

OF TOUCHING PEOPLE

IN LIVES WE CAN'T SAVE

EVERY DAY

EVERY DAY

THE LOST

THE REJECTED

>TR<

The tragic

The gross injustice

The violence

The Maim

OF ALL

OUR PERSONAL

DISERNMENT

AS WE ADVANCE

INTO

ONCOMING

WAVES

WAVES

WAVES
TEMPTING AND TESTING

OUR PARTS
IN THIS PLAY

DONT HURT PEOPLE

DONT HURT PEOPLE

SHOT AT SILLOUETTE

What if they talked

And squealed the words they knew

As they saw

What you said

You really were

Just flies on the walls

Cameras and recorded calls

From all the transactions

And distant relations

You became involved

In spy time

Hippo laws

Which are alright for what is intended

But has degenerated

Into small business

Corrupt communication

Social news

Net works

Homegrown reality television show

We all must go in front of the Light

Cameras in every sight

Phoned in

All from the flip

Of a presiding chip slip

This memory slip

This memory

Slip

Slip

It is proven

In the conversation

How you

Are asked to

Remain on the line

On the line

THINK FOR YOURSELF

Don't listen to me and be thrown

From the main thing you need to be your own

So from the common ground we stand on

Can we find a single topic

A similar scope to focus in

Keeping the sense sensibly

Fighting this same war together

Between heart and mind

Body and soul

Each and all us

Must cross the bridge

Of inside to out

Foolish as it may seem at the time

Take a ticket

To change the chances

Given and derailed

From seemingly small signals

As they occur

And failed

To reach

You

6:00 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

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