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IT's OKAY to CONTINUE TO FEEL EVEN
 Tuesday, October 9th 2007, 6:12 PM  4315  0
August 5, 2007 - Sunday
IN MEMORIAM: UNCLE DENNIS
My Uncle Dennis, died of heroin overdose- in July 2007.
He is mostly responsible for my drumming instruction and discipline which began when I was a small child growing up in the early 1970's. He was a righteous man, who was foremost involved with Unity and racial integration, when it was not realized by most people in general society.
My Uncle was a true percussionist, from his early adolescent years, formal in traditional drumming, and well versed in Latin percussion and multi formatted musical styles as a drum-set drummer. He is missed, by surviving family and friends. He lived with high pain threshold from repeated broken legs from car accident when he was 16 years old, and was a speed ice skater who competed for school, and then in later years was re injured from a motorcycle accident that seriously inhibited his legs and feet.
He was a correctional officer who served 15 years for New York State and was given the State of New York flag at his funeral service by officer representative who was in attendance.
He worked hard all his life, was more than a passing acquaintence to many who knew him personally throughout his life, and looked after his family with integrity and honor he upheld as a traditionalist Calibrese Sicilian man.
He did not flinch from threatening illness and lived his personal beliefs with disregard to opposition.
I understood alot more than I can relate in this small acknowledgement to him, and spent alot of my developmental years as a sort of apprentice drummer, young man.
I owe him respect and am personally shattered about the sudden notice of his passing and the manner in which he apparantly chose to end the struggle with pain and personal demons he could not overcome.
I loved the man, and will hold the best of my heart recollecting him with fond memory.
He was an example of a type in culture and time of American society that is still very much so needed and should be emulated, crossing racial barriers, religious intolerance and getting above everyday limitations.
He supported marijuana legalization, use, and tolerance.
He and I were close until recent years which I had to break off from him when he began to spiral into extreme harder drug use.
I wish I could of done better by him.
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July 23, 2007 - Monday
FINALLY
Category: Writing and Poetry
Finally
I realized to move is not single most problem
to venture inside of your own heart
to feel the need for something that makes
the last absolute moment meaning
it is worthwhile
so it begins to surrender
for you
kissing this truth
forgone conclusions
foresaken intentions
sickened
over time
the fruit falls from the vine
as seance
as singing
as silence
commits us all
to finally
lover believe you me
forgiveness
is
can
and do
sea
say
I
bleeding is my heart
beneath the exterior of strength
this constancy
for eternity
and fearful regret for sin
yet my desire to continue
is brighter than rest
for I will not pass any such testing for
having a recollection of Heaven and walking further
more to pass
ALIVE
IN LOVE
I AM HUMAN
I WORSHIP
THE GROUND I CAN STAND ON
SO GOD HELP ME
AND GIVE ME STRENGTH
TO CONTINUE
TO BELIEVE
IN FAILING
BUT REFUSING DEFEAT
IN THIS
MY LOVE
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July 20, 2007 - Friday
Drumming In Silence DJA
Category: Writing and Poetry
considerate fortune
fallen
crystalized tears drop
finding me
shine
from inside
deeply
thirsting
for grieving
forgiving
none
in
the
mirror
of
passing time
reflections
constituting
measures
for
mercy
and
righteous
indignation
against
something
so much
larger
than
life
in disguise
as masked
behind
death
dying
friend
and
relation
outside
of
me
and
not of my control
away from
my influence
and realm of
attention
music
knows no such
boundaries
no confines
to
stop me
in tune
harmony
with
freedom seldom seen
so silence
has always been
handling
gravity
feelings
bringing
grateful lasting
ever asking
memorized
heartstrings
beating
me
through
to true
to you
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July 11, 2007 - Wednesday
Greetings!!!
Category: Writing and Poetry
New things
From somebody to someone
Are you home now?
Are you finding out something good for yourself?
I hope so
I hope you are
I wish you the best
Thank you
For your support
And
Have
A nice
Day
the green is brighter on the internet
but slow in connection speed
10:47 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
July 9, 2007 - Monday
Join Me Fair
Category: Writing and Poetry
Pouring me
set so succinctly
believing
this is only an ending
to begin
again
yet forever
is now new
finishing line
setting few
curfew
in time
kinetic
motionless
deeper
meanings
arise from fallen
notions
in jumps
up and out
heartstrings symphonies
orchestrate
the mood
anywhere
you choose
what it is
that we will do
now and only
with you
never against
neverending
sense of dreams
brightly lit
inclusive
sense of fighting
against
again
this perception
of life and loving
moving
on
in the fragrant instant
of perpetual youth
I am in
not as peter pan
but grounded by pain
by aching always not relieved
this troubled vehicle
wheels out
and starts up
no matter
the rage
insipid relayer
stronger than stranger
needing to be released
from the cage
craving
escape
best seen as beast
but better believed as belief
faithful one
until the last once
felt beaming
me
me
minute gone on
mime
love without reasoning
with is only more so
another rhyme
finding the scattering ashes
over the lawn in field
of forgetful I loved you
by so few who can tell
what it was felt
by you
you only
true
truly you
sweet scented memories
candy kisses and young then mommy
of forgotten flowers
plasiticine and perpetual
like the youth within mine timeframe
dust is covering
the vase now long broken
cry for me
my whim
my long lost
eternity
eternity
too early to be found
only alone
sitting so close
to the fallen
jest this test
just gestures
genuflection towards a shard
of regret
regret
reflect
retest
reap past
reposed
relapse
sleep last
slight laugh
laugh
i guess
may I have another
slice of bread
and butter on it as well
one more time the small glass
is filled
with ice cold milk
and the smell
of burning smoke
evaporates in rings around me
inhaling deep
all of it once more
once again
oranges and coffee
cookies
kisses
kissing me
now
and
always
again
10:03 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
July 7, 2007 - Saturday
777 trumps 666
THE END IS NEAR
& 777
from me and
my shadow
(my son)
9:23 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
I WOULD LOVE
It would of been so nice
If only
Wasn't a memory
Of what it is
That sets you free
I would
Love to
Love you
If only
You could of let me
See
Freedom dear
Is not so free
If only
Is all
In Memory
dictating
your waking dream
I can't compete
With fortune calling
This future song
Timetable
Tidings
Grace
Must RING TRUE
Not valued
Is not unsued
Is not to be
Is not me & you
I would of loved to love you
You who would not allow me to
Is there any other chance to find
A romance not so shallow ground?
I am not a relationship addict
I don't fail to meet the challenges
I will fight for the identity we are placed
I can show affection
I can defend the starting point
I am still given strength
I have peace in mind
I would
Love
To
Love
You
Cancer callers kill closers clean casting calls crawl cancelling circus cells cello-players hired for backing tracks to dry our eyes and inspire the three chords you wrote upon
Keep the banks and the local promo spots hot she is not my concern
Love
To
Love
You
I have a child and take my time as I decide
She dances
She fires me up
Flies above
Lifting Love
More than getting me up
She was
And Still Is
So very much
My Heart
My SOUL
My COMPLETION
MY LOVE
not the Showroom
used car promotional send ups
that have been getting so very large
laughing at my misery
Funny
Like a clown?
or funny ha-ha?
HA
HA haHAve a happy
HAPPY
HAPPY GREEN END OF DAYS
love to
love you
too
Throw it all out this past without environment and neighbors unknown
Why were we not simple enough to say I am sorry and continue to live together
Why couldn't you just say it is so
Why is just another form of knowing NO
No
Not you
And FOR THIS
Only me is thanking you
I would have loved to love you
WE WILL SEE THOSE WHO CAN STILL BE
AND LOVE ME
JUST FOR TODAY
GOODBYE OLD FRIENDS
OLD HEARTBRAKES
FROZEN
IN THE YELLOWING PAPER
THE SCRATCHED RECORDS
THE THROWN AWAY MEMORABILIA
THAT SO MANY HAVE DECIDED
SHOULD NOT remain with me
I WOULD HAVE
LOVED
To Have loved
you...................... ......................... ........
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July 5, 2007 - Thursday
Misery, WHY DO YOU LEAD ME to LOVE & Leave me Here Alone
Category: Romance and Relationships
Permission granted this
Instilled angry view not of your own choosing
this lasting colorful cause
of sublimity in sunlight
mustering strength
and convictions to alight the serpentine surrender of sleepless
waiting
if all is to belong and none is to be loved
letting go of
I cry the fear welling up from besides the inner most regions
of mine heart and mind
I see this time is last a last a past
of shooting displeasure and Bible black
tormenting me in misery
in mindfulness
this solitary prowess
so long the years have accumulated
so long the steps taken in the narrow corners of night
through to the day
I waited and prayed
and considered
and was left flattened by the bitch of serenity who laughs last
and terminally she crows out flies in the aire
See her beam!
I loved her too
My living waking sometimes suffering nightime longtime once have been Dream
kiss my ass now goodbye
forget the trouble oh sword of discipline
of living for her
Her touch is most crippling
the dripping sweet
intoxication that you must remain in
as she mounts ontop of you
and wont stop until you are past all hope
cabalistic cannibals
incantations from friendships never ended
coven and company
how they band together with tarot to tell you
what to expect in their fortune / fore tune
you pee on unfortunate one lick me
she sould be so unladylike with you/me
and in plain comfort
she took it all wanting more
Forgetting the remarks that part the past
from Sea
see?
so?
sooner than death this unforgiving meaning
climbing clamoring and camphor to assist the wound
no ing
noth ing
noodle
for a chance at life and love
for this
I would trade my island alone for the dream girl
and I have
and she found me
wanting
and lacking
in girth and length
compared to her former lovers and brothers and father
I could never have seen the deeper meanings behind her hitting me
all three of them
sick
sicker
& sickest
now what do I offer her
shall we dance in slippers to the beat
given by the walking dead
the lady and her little lord Faulterly
whom she shaved in bed
this priceless lotion
listening to her boyfriend neighbors
those cellar years accumulated into neighborly miscues and gestures given away
I see you honey and stay there
the lawn is mine not tonight but in my mind
so long as the mounted police don't come back to take me away
by force from my chair
dear
Misery Why do you lead me to love then leave me alone
beautiful is as beautiful does
without remorse nor cause
only as she can understand what she can tabulate and calculate as keeping in her bag undisturbed
lovers in marriage and strangers in bondage
cradling the disparaging bedding to the garage to tear across the driveway
that you blacktopped with her father now long passed
the both of you
just causes to tear out of the book of her care
paper to air
near
she has been threatened
she has blamed you
she has to
if she only knew
she was seen too
sexy perverted you
all in unison
we sing
death to dream
death to dream
life is for living
life is for living
eternal
eternal
eternal fire flame
flame internal phantom rising
pheonix rising
blinding the immoral
immorality
choking the fight
dousing natural light
this escape from Hell leveled without remorse or understanding
no pathos to convince this belief that all is fair in love and war
but the devil is
and sins
wicked
defeated
enchained and roaring
real
very real
the evil
hitting us all
in our tears
all years of our very lives
though we choose
we use
the fallen way
for finding
God
repentance
acceptance
and surrender
in
Creator
not coward
I wonder
undercover
we all fall
and stand up for daylight
inspite of nighttime what ever we be
are you there for me
are you
can you be
here for me
be here
here
now
Love don't find me
Unworthy
7:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Changing Tune
Category: Writing and Poetry
ANY FRIENDS
Is there a philosophy
That we can reach in unison
Standing together
Well
And understood
Under the same
Open sky
Any friends
..> ..> ..>..>
A Days Worth of Love,
Is there a Girl who is not attached to another man for me
Ridiculous this imaging
this dream
this repeating
stale at this age
loser adrift the sea
All I am doing is shutting my Heart
To the Falsehoods and Lying
That Life sometimes needs
To send me
As a solace source of defining me
I know what it is
I seem to be
I am one alone
and with a song
of my son
to strive
for a days' worth of love
STREET CORNER
MUSICIAN
IN A TOWN
WHO SHOWS NOTHING
YOU WON'T MAKE
ANYTHING
ALONE
WITHOUT OUR SAY
UNAUTHORIZED
IS UNLAWFUL
IS INCITEFUL
TO MAKING
A BREAK FOR IT
GROW UP
SLOW
OR THEY WILL
TAKE YOU
AWAY
BEG FOR IT
AND GET OUT
DEVELOPERS
PLANNERS
TEAM PLAYERS
ONLY
UNIFORMED
REPRESENTATIVES
GET TO SAY
DICTATION
INTO THE MAJOR
FORUMS
LEAGUES
OF THEIR OWN
NO
I HAVE NO EXCUSES
I HAVEN'T ANY REAL NEWS
NO TABLOID FODDER
NO BACKGROUND CHECK LOOSED
THAT IS IMPRESSIVE
ENOUGH FOR THROUGH
as of yet
FORTUNE SMILED
AND LEFT ME IDLE
IN EVICTION
OUT OF CONSIDERATION
DISMISSED
FROM ACTIVE
PARTICIPATION IN THE GRAND SCHEME
DREAMER OF FOOLISH DREAMS
BEAMING
NO BODY WILL DO IT FOR ME
Help Me For the Love of God Get Out Of the INVESTIGATION
I have been feeling that maybe
I am facing so much scrutiny
And so few chances to connect and improve
Because I am one of the many Few who are still
Under Investigation.
FBI, LOCALITIES, PROVINCIAL AUTHORITIES,
I hope you will see this and read me:
I have a life to live and did not get too far away from the straight line and lawful civil course of actions.
Isolation and time has made me more perverted,
but not a criminal with less sense of humanity.
I would not hurt anybody ever, or now.
I am sorry for the causes I stand for and give you
As reasons to look and pause.
I believe in Truth and full disclosure.
I am not a problem undercover.
I am still True Blue.
I hope my son and I will be allowed to start living well among the crowds again.
We hope you set us up a better seat.
Prisoners at least get to speak to each other
Unless they are ordered into solitary
The hardest way to do their Time.
Until it's over.
Time up...
Please assist
Don't let the long hair fool you
I AM STILL A MAN
Childhood* Abandonment * Betrayal Issues*
We won't go through it ever again
We know who you were
We heard all about it before you showed
We won't go through it ever again
This is Never Again
We won't let you in
We don't believe you
>PLEASE<>BE<& gt;NICE<>WITH<&g t;US<
In all
Of the world's
Turmoil and Pain
With every connection
We have ever made
Between ourselves and the actual
Culprits who commit the crimes
Linking themselves to our Timeline enchained
Causing more doubt
And Fear
To be
Lingering allowed to remain
In this Starving
Polarized Atmosphere of
Struggle
Distrust
And Blame
Please
Pray
That God Let's You
Regain
Scope
And
Maintain Peace
In
Disernment
As actions continue
To Happen
With all
Within
TRY TO HURT LESS People
THE GRIEF AND
ANGRY PAIN STIFLES SO MANY
MAYBE ALL INSIDE
AS WE TRY
TO MOVE ON BY IN
THIS MAD PARADE
THE MODEL OF TROUBLE
SHAMBLES THOUGH THE CORRIDORS
OF TOUCHING PEOPLE
IN LIVES WE CAN'T SAVE
EVERY DAY
EVERY DAY
THE LOST
THE REJECTED
>TR<
The tragic
The gross injustice
The violence
The Maim
OF ALL
OUR PERSONAL
DISERNMENT
AS WE ADVANCE
INTO
ONCOMING
WAVES
WAVES
WAVES
TEMPTING AND TESTING
OUR PARTS
IN THIS PLAY
DONT HURT PEOPLE
DONT HURT PEOPLE
SHOT AT SILLOUETTE
What if they talked
And squealed the words they knew
As they saw
What you said
You really were
Just flies on the walls
Cameras and recorded calls
From all the transactions
And distant relations
You became involved
In spy time
Hippo laws
Which are alright for what is intended
But has degenerated
Into small business
Corrupt communication
Social news
Net works
Homegrown reality television show
We all must go in front of the Light
Cameras in every sight
Phoned in
All from the flip
Of a presiding chip slip
This memory slip
This memory
Slip
Slip
It is proven
In the conversation
How you
Are asked to
Remain on the line
On the line
THINK FOR YOURSELF
Don't listen to me and be thrown
From the main thing you need to be your own
So from the common ground we stand on
Can we find a single topic
A similar scope to focus in
Keeping the sense sensibly
Fighting this same war together
Between heart and mind
Body and soul
Each and all us
Must cross the bridge
Of inside to out
Foolish as it may seem at the time
Take a ticket
To change the chances
Given and derailed
From seemingly small signals
As they occur
And failed
To reach
You
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