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"ROCKSTAR PHASE or HOWARD HUGHES YEARS"
 Tuesday, October 9th 2007, 2:10 PM  8613  0
I seem to recall hearing an interview from when the movie "RAMBO 3" came out, back in the day, and hearing some T.V. personality comment on the actor who was going through his "rockstar-phase".
It did appear as a moment to impress me then, to note how the actor was appearing to be going through a pivotal point in his life, approaching his middle-life, and the hair length and general way he carried himself, DID suggest his need to hold onto his own personal interpretation of his best self-identity.
I am not nearly in the physique or financial plane that this guy held in comparatively similar times of life, and do concede, that YES, I AM MOST PROBABLY JUST GOING THROUGH MY OWN PERSONAL rock-star PERIOD of my oncoming middle-life.
I feel that I am probably being dismissed for some damned reasoning, so why not challenge the appearance of my person at this time as the first step to honest affirmation. (of coarse I seem angry, but it is pain motivated and drive)
I am feeling strong and confident enough to accept the issue, that "rolling down the stream, life without a boat is merrily, merrily just another damned dream."
Can you feel me?
I find that childhood is remembered best when I view my son and I long for company now in my late thirties. I am getting tired of "waiting, resting and hiding".
I am not really trying to appear as anything in particular, but it dawns on me to say that I do look like I am trying to project something as an image.
I guess the closer truth is that these are my "Howard Hughes years".
(the times he spent alone in the house, growning his hair and just was kept isolated).
I wouldn't have dreamt of ending up as this, and no, I am not miserable, not deep down, just trying to get somewhere before I don't need to anymore.
ROCKSTAR PHASE or HOWARD HUGHES YEARS
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